There isn't anything specific I wanted to say so I just thought I would list the stuff that has been on my mind:
My Brother-in-Law's sister died on the weekend just gone. I feel for their mother, it is an oft lamented condition to outlive ones children, and for my Brother-in-Law. Most of my memories of S are from when I was young. As an adult I mourn her passing in the way one does when you are loosely connected to someone yet there is no bond, no attachment etc.
It has given me pause. The thought crossed my mind that if I outlive my siblings - I have bloody 6 of them to go - actually make that 5. I will not count my twin because out of everyone on earth I can not imagine a life without her.
There was an incident when my mum was down where I almost ran into a person whom I wish never to lay eyes on or hear of again. Ever since I have been having dreams that have me waking feeling retched...well just really hurt. Finding it hard to shake the oppressiveness of it. I want to slap myself and pinch away the self pity.
I have felt disinterested at work and have done the bare minimum for the last week (perhaps could be 3 months) to get me through the day. I keep thinking about changing my line of work. Perhaps becoming a nurse or a school teacher. Then I get frustrated about my lack of schooling etc
I bought GB sunflowers today because they are the happiest flowers I could find. Even if I am finding it hard to wrench my head out of my arse - I want him to be happy and content.
That is all.
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