I am emotionally unstable. That is the reason that my 101 things in 1001 days list has "see a therapist" as an action item. I have a quick and ferocious temper, I often feel despair and I also feel great joy and happiness. I cry if anyone tells me they think I am sad or if they tell me I should love myself, well I cry at pretty much anything - my anger, guilt and fear are all finely linked to my tear ducts. My therapist told me that this was ok, that I just had a high level of emotions - that although everyone has the same emotions I just "feel/experience" mine more intensely. He didn't seem worried about this. He even told me that this was a good thing.
I have stopped seeing him because I don't believe that this is good.
I feel like I need to be more than this at the moment. GB is going through a shitstorm with his family. His father died several weeks ago, his granmother is losing her independence, his mother's expectations and demands are varied and never ending. And I am struggling to be the stable "rock".
Maybe I just need to get my head out of my own arse. What I really want now is the licence and gear required so I can clamber aboard the GPX of DOOM and clear my mind by losing myself in the freedom offered by the wind against the helmet.
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101 List starting Jan 2012
1. Write a short story
2. Put my transfers on t-shirts
3. Go on every adult ride at Luna Park
4. Find the emblem for the Raffaele family and have something made with it on
5. See the northern lights
6. Fly a kite
7. Make pumpkin pie for thanksgiving
8. Go to the opera
9. Ride in a hot air balloon
10. Take a short course that does not relate to current job
11. Go to the dogs for an evening of night racing
12. Attend dance class
13. Go to the Eureka Sky Deck
14. Make something out of mosaic
15. Do the 1000 steps at Ferntree Gully
16. Host a cocktail party
17. Make gingerbread
18. Learn a martial art
19. Tell a stranger they are beautiful
20. Send flowers to a friend for no reason
21. Go berry picking
22. Grow my own watermelons
23. Buy a wing chair
24. Restore an old piece of furniture
25. Learn how to make a picture frame
26. Go on holiday with Amanda and mum
27. Make a cider with Christopher
28. Take my mum to a karoake bar
29. Research how to be more ecologically conscious and put 3 new ideas into practice
30. Do at least 1 unassisted pull-up
31. Wear pants instead of a skirt to work one day
32. Document a “day in my life” with photos
33. Create a photobook of Paris/Spain trip
34. Eat at least 2 things I have never tried before
35. Memorise a poem and demostrate it by reciting poem to someone
36. Take a cooking class
37. Develop a budget and stick to it for two months
38. Buy a new lingere set
39. Eat a vegetarian meal twice a week for 4 consecutive weeks
40. Do not eat chocolate for one month - Jan 2012
41. Organise a picnic - invite friends make a day of it
42. Visit Tasmania
43. Learn to make pulled pork
44. Identify 101 things that make me happy
45. Visit a town/city I have never been before – Beechworth 28 – 30 Jan 2012
46. Get my Chow Chow puppy
47. Fly a helicopter
48. Sort of all paperwork in house - make a filing system and bin the rubbish
49. Acknowledge & participate in more milestones in other’s lives
50. Learn at least 5 napkin folds
51. Go to Wilson's Prom
52. Exercise for at least 30 mins every day for a month - Feb 2012
53. Go on a dinner & theatre date with Christopher
54. Build something out of wood
55. Become a mother
56. Leave an inspirational note in an unexpected place to be found by a stranger
57. Help create/design my wedding invititations
58. Answer the 50 questions that will free your mind
59. Identify three behaviors that help me “reset” into a good attitude.
60. Celebrate 5 new or unusual holidays
61. Create a wardrobe I love. (This is defined as a closet full of clothes I am equally happy to wear)
62. Go on a road trip in Australia to a place I have never been before
63. Become self-sufficient in 3 three things I am not already (for example: car stuff, plunging a toilet, etc.)
64. Go away for a girls weekend
65. Choose a cookbook and make every recipe in it
66. Reach my healthy weight
67. Learn Spanish
68. Start a compost
69. Experience a white Christmas
70. Participate in postcrossing
71. Use my teeth whitening solution until it is finished
72. Go to a show at the speigeltent in Melbourne
73. Complete 100 push ups
74. Complete 200 sit ups
75. Go to a Christmas Market
76. Drink beer, eat a pretzel and mulled wine in Germany
77. Go on a cruise ship
78. Have a romantic island holiday with Christopher 16-20 March 2012 Phuket, Thailand
79. Host a party for some of my work colleagues at my house 11 Feb 2012
80. Tie a secret to a balloon and let it go
81. Take a photo of the same place every month for year and then turn it into a calendar for the next year
82. Tour a scotch distillery
83. Catch a snowflake on my tongue
84. Go horseback riding
85. Buy something from Etsy
86. Go ice skating
87. Don't watch TV for a week
88. Make a list of 10 Bands/Artists I Want To See Live - see all these bands perform
89. Write a novel
90. Watch a movie at a drive-in
91. Listen to a live jazz band
92. Learn to walk in high heels
93. Go dog sledding
94. Go on a day tour
95. Spend New Years in another country
96. Build a snowman with Christopher
97. buy myself a comfortable bed – 4 Jan 2012
98. have an afternoon tea event with Amanda and Mum
99. get tested to see if I am eligible for laser surgery on my eyes
100. Marry Christopher - 27 Oct 2012
101. come up with another 101 things to do for my next list
2. Put my transfers on t-shirts
3. Go on every adult ride at Luna Park
4. Find the emblem for the Raffaele family and have something made with it on
5. See the northern lights
6. Fly a kite
7. Make pumpkin pie for thanksgiving
8. Go to the opera
9. Ride in a hot air balloon
10. Take a short course that does not relate to current job
11. Go to the dogs for an evening of night racing
12. Attend dance class
13. Go to the Eureka Sky Deck
14. Make something out of mosaic
15. Do the 1000 steps at Ferntree Gully
16. Host a cocktail party
17. Make gingerbread
18. Learn a martial art
19. Tell a stranger they are beautiful
20. Send flowers to a friend for no reason
21. Go berry picking
22. Grow my own watermelons
23. Buy a wing chair
24. Restore an old piece of furniture
25. Learn how to make a picture frame
26. Go on holiday with Amanda and mum
27. Make a cider with Christopher
28. Take my mum to a karoake bar
29. Research how to be more ecologically conscious and put 3 new ideas into practice
30. Do at least 1 unassisted pull-up
31. Wear pants instead of a skirt to work one day
32. Document a “day in my life” with photos
33. Create a photobook of Paris/Spain trip
34. Eat at least 2 things I have never tried before
35. Memorise a poem and demostrate it by reciting poem to someone
36. Take a cooking class
37. Develop a budget and stick to it for two months
38. Buy a new lingere set
39. Eat a vegetarian meal twice a week for 4 consecutive weeks
40. Do not eat chocolate for one month - Jan 2012
41. Organise a picnic - invite friends make a day of it
42. Visit Tasmania
43. Learn to make pulled pork
44. Identify 101 things that make me happy
45. Visit a town/city I have never been before – Beechworth 28 – 30 Jan 2012
46. Get my Chow Chow puppy
47. Fly a helicopter
48. Sort of all paperwork in house - make a filing system and bin the rubbish
49. Acknowledge & participate in more milestones in other’s lives
50. Learn at least 5 napkin folds
51. Go to Wilson's Prom
52. Exercise for at least 30 mins every day for a month - Feb 2012
53. Go on a dinner & theatre date with Christopher
54. Build something out of wood
55. Become a mother
56. Leave an inspirational note in an unexpected place to be found by a stranger
57. Help create/design my wedding invititations
58. Answer the 50 questions that will free your mind
59. Identify three behaviors that help me “reset” into a good attitude.
60. Celebrate 5 new or unusual holidays
61. Create a wardrobe I love. (This is defined as a closet full of clothes I am equally happy to wear)
62. Go on a road trip in Australia to a place I have never been before
63. Become self-sufficient in 3 three things I am not already (for example: car stuff, plunging a toilet, etc.)
64. Go away for a girls weekend
65. Choose a cookbook and make every recipe in it
66. Reach my healthy weight
67. Learn Spanish
68. Start a compost
69. Experience a white Christmas
70. Participate in postcrossing
71. Use my teeth whitening solution until it is finished
72. Go to a show at the speigeltent in Melbourne
73. Complete 100 push ups
74. Complete 200 sit ups
75. Go to a Christmas Market
76. Drink beer, eat a pretzel and mulled wine in Germany
77. Go on a cruise ship
78. Have a romantic island holiday with Christopher 16-20 March 2012 Phuket, Thailand
79. Host a party for some of my work colleagues at my house 11 Feb 2012
80. Tie a secret to a balloon and let it go
81. Take a photo of the same place every month for year and then turn it into a calendar for the next year
82. Tour a scotch distillery
83. Catch a snowflake on my tongue
84. Go horseback riding
85. Buy something from Etsy
86. Go ice skating
87. Don't watch TV for a week
88. Make a list of 10 Bands/Artists I Want To See Live - see all these bands perform
89. Write a novel
90. Watch a movie at a drive-in
91. Listen to a live jazz band
92. Learn to walk in high heels
93. Go dog sledding
94. Go on a day tour
95. Spend New Years in another country
96. Build a snowman with Christopher
97. buy myself a comfortable bed – 4 Jan 2012
98. have an afternoon tea event with Amanda and Mum
99. get tested to see if I am eligible for laser surgery on my eyes
100. Marry Christopher - 27 Oct 2012
101. come up with another 101 things to do for my next list
1 comment:
Hang in there. It's a horrible time for all concerned and it will settle down. Your charm is tht you ARE emotional. You ARE his rock and GB needs to realise that he can't be all things to all people. Time to be a little selfish. Get on with those bike lessons . .heh your word verification says it all "Unblat!"
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